We Will Miss You Grandmom!

Martha Powell {Dec 23, 1928 - March 7, 2018}

On March 7 we lost one of my most favorite people in the world. She was the biggest fan of our little family and always was one of the first to read this blog. Every month she would send me a sweet email about how much she loved it and it always made me feel special and it made all the time spent blogging worth it. I know there are more family and friends that enjoy the blog, but she always made a point to make sure I knew just how much she loved it. She would always tell me she had a couple photos picked out that she was going to post on Facebook with her own clever caption as well.

Not only will I miss her presence on Facebook, but I'll miss visiting her and how she would always make me feel like the most special person ever. From the moment I met her, she always told me I was the granddaughter she never had. Her home cooked southern meals were like none I had ever tasted and I learned to love Allen's green beans (which I eat now because I prefer the wide beans over the thin ones), her special ritz cracker covered chicken (which I've converted to corn flakes), and perfect sweet tea. She knew I didn't care for apple pie (which she had for dessert because Chris liked it) so she'd always make a special batch of chocolate chip cookies just for me (with a baggie full to send home with me as well) which was so thoughtful since I was probably the only one who would eat them haha. I'm not sure which trip to Chattanooga it was, but either before or after our meal, she showed me how to crochet the "shell stitch" and I ended up making at least 12 or 13 queen sized afghans with that stitch. It was my favorite past-time while watching evening tv (before kids of course). It is also the perfect type of blanket for all my boys to stick their fingers in and play with while watching tv or sleeping, so she has provided and will continue to provide lots of comfort for years to come without even being here in person.

Grandmom was the type of friend you wait a lifetime to find. She was so open-minded and crossed generational lines so effortlessly. It seems pretty unusual to find a friend more than 50 years older, that you can poke fun at and not be offended. I'll miss our Skype sessions from when Blake was an only child and I would set up the laptop and she would just watch him play for 30 minutes without needing to say much. It just made us feel like we were in the same room, and that comfort was wonderful for a stay-at-home-mom who can feel lonely with the long days at home.

For anyone who got to spend time with her, they know how much joy and happiness she brought to this world, and we're all better for having known her. I'm so grateful to have joined such a caring and wonderful family and to have been welcomed with such open arms by everyone including Grandmom. Deep down it really made me feel special when she would brag on me and the boys, even when she thought she was doing it just for herself. =)

We drove down to Chattanooga last weekend to attend her burial service on Friday and visitation/funeral service on Sunday. These last couple weeks have been hard to say the least and my body has been pretty dehydrated from all the tears I've shed. The boys seem to understand what happened and they are really sweet to make small gestures to comfort me. When I look sad or puffy-eyed, Brett has come over and given me a big hug and told me that he knows I'm sad but he hopes a hug will help (how mature is that for a 3 year old?!).

The view from Grandmom's resting place. The day was absolutely perfect; 70s and a light breeze.

We even got to witness her urn being buried next to her husband.

The view towards the top of the hill.

The boys all dressed up on Sunday.

The entrance to the visitation room.

The room was decorated so nicely.

The photo arrangements were just so beautiful!

Even a little coloring table for the kiddos.

Blake was so proud to be dressed up.

All fancied up and not looking too bad before all the crying, haha.

As part of the funeral service at her church, Mimi came up with the idea to make a couple slideshows to celebrate her life and her special bond with all her friends. We pulled together a bunch of photos from her life and her family and it turned out so well! Here is the first slideshow:

The second slideshow celebrated all her friends from her adult years. Most of them are from her sweet church. It was good to have a few funny memories thrown in as well to make us laugh, because she always made people laugh.

I also wanted to remember the beautiful tributes that were written in her honor. The first from her son Robby, the second from her daughter Rhonda (Mimi), and the third from her grandson Chris.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My mother was born in 1928 in Woodbury, Tennessee, a rural town about 20 miles east of Murfreesboro.  She grew up in a house with no electricity, no telephone, and no running water.  Lighting was done by kerosene lamps, and cooking was done by a wood-burning stove (even in my youth, my grandmother never stopped referring to her electric range as “the cook-stove.”)  They did have a radio--battery-powered—and I remembered her recalling how my grandfather would add water to the batteries to extend their life.  My grandfather took her to school every morning in the family wagon—I don’t believe they had a car until junior high—but she never thought of her family as being hard up.  My grandfather primarily farmed for a living, with occasional jobs along the way.  The only pet she ever had was a lamb.

When World War II came along, her father found a job in Oak Ridge.  There she met my father, whose dad had also found work in Oak Ridge.  Neither of them knew the purpose of Oak Ridge, but that they were not to discuss their lives to anyone outside of Oak Ridge.  None of their relatives could visit them there—Oak Ridge did not appear on any maps—and the junior high and high schools could never host any home games—but the secrecy did not keep her from living the fairly normal life of a junior high student.  Her Oak Ridge stay lasted less than two years, but her relationship with my father kept going.

After Oak Ridge, her father found a job in Akron, Ohio, and she went to live with her cousin in Old Hickory for a year.  They stayed close for the rest of their lives.  In fact, she was always close with her extended family on her father’s side, and they filled in the voids of her only-child upbringing.

After my grandfather’s job in Akron ended, she returned to Woodbury.  Her outgoing personality more than compensated for her absence, and she was elected Miss Central High School and head cheerleader.  She once told me that her principal privately told her that those were no mean achievements for a girl “out from the country,” although the country began pretty quickly in a town the size of Woodbury.  I used to tease her if “Class of ‘47” meant 1947 or a senior class of 47 people.

After graduation and marriage, she moved to Chattanooga, started at DuPont, and joined this church.  She worked at DuPont in the Personnel and Data Entry departments until 1966, when my father found a job in Rome, Georgia, and moved the family there, although only for six months.  After that, he found a job at Combustion Engineering, and we came back to Chattanooga for the rest of her life.

My mother’s boundless optimism and even-temperament really spoiled me.  I cannot remember a time that she ever lost her temper with me, and only once do I recall where she really got angry at my dad—and that was when he had been away at his new job in Rome for six months.  I learned myself how hard absence is on a marriage when I was in Australia for many weeks, and my wife Sheryl got in the dumps.  I couldn’t find the words to cheer her up, but my mother could.  They had a great mother-and-daughter-in-law relationship.  When we travelled back from Nashville to Atlanta on Mondays, we would stay late at Mother’s house so that they could watch “Dancing with the Stars” together.
My mother’s declining health never overcame her spirits.  

When we talked about the possibility that she might someday have move to Dallas where my sister could take care of her, she kept a resolute look on her face and said “when it happens, I’ll just have to get used to it.”  But I knew better.  It would have meant the genuine twilight of her life.  So I told her, “Momma, what I owe you most of all for the years you spent raising me is to do everything I can to make it possible to stay in this house for the rest of your days.”  But it was this church and her wonderful neighbors that actually made that happen.  I will never be able to adequately express my appreciation for all the things you have done.

-Robby Powell

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My mother has taught me many things over the years, probably enough to fill a book, but here are ten of the really important ones.

1. Love God and pray often. You might say I have a "red phone connection." Pray when things are bad or good. Pray for guidance and God will lead you to the right answer. Don't worry so much. We had a framed Serenity Prayer my grandmother cross-stitched, hanging on our wall for years. I learned it at a young age and I remember it still.

2. Be thankful and say thank you. Appreciate others and let them know it. Have an attitude of gratitude and notice the little things. When it is cold or rainy outside, my Mother tells me how lucky she is to be in her warm, dry house. She is even grateful when a parking space comes available near the door and she loves parking in her garage more than anyone I know.

3. Surround yourself with quality friends and I must say she has some of the best. You must be a friend to have friends, so I guess she has been a good friend herself. 

4. Don't dwell on negative thoughts. Change the channel in your head. I can't tell you how many times she changes the subject if I am headed to a negative conversation.

5. The past is the past. Let it go. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. 

6. Be a good listener, God gave you two ears, but only one mouth. My mother is a very good listener and she doesn't feel the need to convince you that her way is the right way.

7. Sometimes it is best to say nothing. I try to learn that lesson every day.

8. Be tolerant and have endurance. When the going gets tough, you are stronger than you think. We love to say that "we are tough old birds".

9. Laugh about things when you feel like crying. Sometimes we joke and laugh uncontrollably about things that are simply dreadful. When you make a joke about something it doesn't seem so bad anymore.

10. She has taught me how to be a good Mother and Grandmother. She has listened to me and helped me through a lot of challenges over the years. I feel blessed that she is my Mother.

-Rhonda Klein
(Also an excerpt from the "Book of Martha" given to her on her 85th birthday)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Grandmother and I had a very special relationship. We spoke multiple times each week for the past 14 years. We reminiscing about stories from the past, we always remarked about how despite the importance of major events, it was funny which memories stay with people. She couldn’t remember my 1st steps or 1st day of Kindergarten, but she remembers playing board games and other seemingly random events in my life. And while we may document the key moments in our lives with numerous photos, I’ve found the things I remember most about her aren’t documented in photos because they aren’t things like my wedding or graduation. They are the little things that remind me of her and only her. Some of my most vivid and positive memories are just sitting at her little table in the kitchen, eating food, and chatting. We spent a lot of time there and it is a bright spot in my memory. There are a few foods that make me think of spending time with her like Ritz Cracker-chicken and fried squash, but nothing as much as French Toast. It was our special meal and it will always be special to me. When I asked her for the recipe, the amount of milk she used was whatever fit in this specific little antique bowl. She couldn’t tell you how much milk it was because that was the bowl that she had used to make it for as long as she could remember. Since then my wife Erin has started making it for me once a week. She’s done a great job carrying on the tradition, and while it does taste good, I think there is an extra special happiness that comes from memories of years of eating that meal with Grandmom.

While those and a few key others are the memories that are the most vivid in my mind, nothing will compare to not having her to talk to. Of course, having a retired grandparent who was almost always at home makes for a good phone companion when you are driving to or from work, but there was something special about Grandmom when it came to speaking with people. She could talk with anyone about anything and make anyone a friend. She was a great listener who always was steady in the conversation and just gave you a sense of ease when you spoke. 9 times out of 10 when I spoke to her and asked her what she was up to, she would say “I don’t know nothing new.” And yet, I didn’t really care because it was just a comfort in my life having her there. Despite countless hours of talking, we never argued or even got into a heated discussion. It’s funny to think you can talk thousands of hours to someone and not really spend much time even discussing big topics like politics, religion, death, and family too much. She just had an innate ability to be that steady presence with the easy going personality that made you feel at home and welcome no matter what.

While Grandmom was an easy going woman, she certainly loved her independence. When I asked her what she was going to do that day during our phone calls, she would always joke “whatever I want to.” She never wanted to be at a nursing home and hated her time in the hospitals and the rehab centers. Even though it seemed like she had a simple life with church, Facebook, phone, and her TV, just being independent and in her own home made her so happy. She would always joke that her once a year celebration to say thanks to all her friends and neighbors for helping her out throughout the year with some take out BBQ was a fair trade, but she knew how lucky she was to still be able to be in her home. For those of us in her family, we can’t thank her friends and neighbors enough for what they did for her. We will never forget what you sacrificed to keep her in her home. While her death was a shock and devastating, we should all be happy to know that she went how she would have wanted to: peacefully and in her own home. 

She is now in her new home, and we must move forward. This is a daunting task for those closest to her because she was a constant in so many of our lives. There are many different ways the dictionary defines “constant.” It could be something that “remains the same over a period of time” or when speaking of a person, “unchangingly faithful and dependable.” Or even in scientific terms, “an item expressing a relationship that remains the same in all circumstances.” Regardless of the circumstances going on her life or ours, she was always there for us, especially me. She kept me when I was little, watched me after school, went to every event possible, and then after I graduated college, we spoke multiple times every week ever since. And that is what makes this so hard. How does one handle a change with something that for all our life has been unchanging? I’m not sure yet. Her absence is a reality that I’ve never experienced until now, but I do know that focusing on it brings me great sadness and sorrow. For Grandmom, she would never want that from her friends and family. She was always a positive light in the world. No matter her circumstances, she always remained as positive as she could be, had a smile on her face, and had a quick and witty joke to lighten the mood.  So let’s not spend our time focusing on her absence, but rather celebrating her life and the positive impact she had on this world and each of us.

-Chris Harvey